Changes
by ladybard327
Summary: Agent Perotta's obvious interest in Booth is bothering Brennan, but is she going to do anything about it?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

_FBI Barbie has to go._

The thought kept running through Brennan's head as she watched the blonde flirt with Booth. Objectively, she knew women watched him and probably flirted with him all the time. Why wouldn't they? He was beyond physically attractive, an exquisite specimen of masculinity really, and one that most women would have a difficult time not noticing. But this was different. This woman was being so obvious about her interest and all but telegraphing her intentions toward her partner.

_Mine._ The voice in Brennan's head said insistently and she knew she was in trouble. Because this didn't feel like regular partner feelings. This was something more. If she weren't such a rational woman, she was almost say she was jealous. But even that didn't seem to adequately cover what she was saying. Because as much as she hated the fact that Agent Perotta was flirting with Booth, it wasn't only the flirting that was bothering her. It was watching Booth turn on the charm to the woman and not knowing how much he meant it. It was knowing that she wanted to the one doing the flirting. The only one.

Admitting it to herself still didn't give her any clues as to what she should do about it.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"_Forget Agent Perotta…nothing's going to change between us."_

He'd said the words with a smile and she knew he was sincere, but that didn't stop the nagging doubt in the back of her head over the next few days. Everything changes, that was the way the universe worked, even on a sub-atomic level. Just look at them, at her, at how he'd changed her over the last four years. She wasn't the same person she used to be, she knew that. It was obvious. She had a family now, two families really—her biological one and the one she'd made by choice with her friends. She laughed more, smiled more, looked forward to getting out of bed more in the mornings. And that was all because of him. If he started dating someone, especially if it became serious, things would change again. And she didn't think it would be for the better this time.

She tried to imagine Booth with a serious girlfriend. He deserved the happiness of course, and she knew she should want that for him, but the thought of it made her sick to her stomach. When the blonde hussy had asked about his eyes twinkling, alarm bells went off in Brennan's head. She'd tried to answer calmly and concisely as a scientist, but inside she felt like screaming. It made her think of how she would feel if she had to watch him twinkle at Perotta or some other bimbo. Even now, the image made her put her head down on her desk in misery.

"Sweetie, what's wrong?" Angela asked from the doorway. Brennan lifted her head up and ran a hand through her hair before meeting her friend's worried gaze.

"I'm confused Ang. I don't know what to do." Her voice broke at the end as she gave up the fight to be strong and looked to her friend for help. These emotions were overwhelming her. She couldn't sleep at night, couldn't concentrate at work, couldn't even work on her book without these images coming into her head. He'd said nothing was going to change, but it had to, it was inevitable. But would the change bring them closer together or further apart?

"Talk to me." Angela said simply, sympathy showing in her expression as she sat down on Brennan's couch and patted the cushion next to her. Wordlessly, Brennan got up and sat next to her friend. She knew she was out of her depths with this emotional stuff. She needed Angela's expertise.

"I don't know if I have the words. I don't know how to say what's wrong exactly."

"But you're miserable." It wasn't a question. Angela just knew her friend well enough to notice how she'd been moping around lately. So Brennan simply nodded in confirmation.

"And you don't know exactly why…" Again Brennan nodded. "Okay then, do you remember when it started?"

"Yes. When Booth was a suspect in that hockey player's death." Brennan said softly, playing with the fringe of the throw blanket that lay on the back of the couch.

"O….ka….y." Angela began. "What about that set you off? You knew he wasn't guilty, you never doubted it for a second, so it can't be that. And nothing bad happened to him, well aside from the broken hand and the concussion but he's Booth so we can almost expect that. He's fine now, right?"

"Yes."

"So what about that case was different? The fact that Booth was the one in trouble this time instead of being your knight in FBI body armour?" Angela teased, trying to get at least a small smile out of Bren.

"No. I never want him to be in trouble or hurt, but as long as I know he's okay, then I can handle it."

"Okay, so what else was different about that case?"

"Perotta." Brennan all but whispered the word, as if speaking the name would somehow give the woman more power.

"Ah," Angela said simply. Brennan was worried about the blonde tart, but jealousy wasn't something she'd experienced a lot of in her life. Angela knew it was because her friend tended to keep people, even lovers, at arm's length. When they were together fine, but when they were out of sight or had moved on, that was fine too. But that wasn't going to work with her relationship with Booth. She just hoped she could help her friend see that.

"She said his eyes twinkled." Brennan said quietly, disturbing Angela's reverie.

"What? What do you mean?"

"She asked me if they twinkled at every woman and what it meant when they did."

"And what did you say?"

"I told her he didn't do it with everyone but when he did, it meant he was attracted to that person."

"Oh Bren, that had to hurt." Angela reached over to squeeze her friend's hand in comfort.

"It did Angela, it really did. I just don't know why," Brennan looked at her friend with unshed tears clouding her eyes. "I mentioned something just offhanded about her to Booth later on and he said to forget about her, that nothing would change between us…"

"But you don't believe him."

"No, not exactly. I believe that he means it but I don't believe it's possible for things not to change. Even I'm not that naïve. Things change, even when you don't want them to, even when everything's just fine the way it is. He's just so…wonderful Ang and I rely on him so much, I don't know what I'd do if he wasn't there. But one of these days he won't be—he'll be off with that…blonde… or someone like her, and I'll be back where I started. And I don't want that life anymore. Not now that I know how different it can be."

The tears were flowing freely now, and Angela could see the heartache and confusion all over her friend's face. Her poor clueless friend, so desperately in love yet so blind to it. "Sweetie, have you talked to him about this?"

"What? No!"

"Why not?"

"Because it wouldn't be fair to him, Angela. You know how he is, he always puts other people's needs ahead of his own. If he knew I was scared about what would happen to me, to us, if he were to seriously date someone, he might not pursue something that would make him happy. And I don't think I could live with myself knowing that I'd denied him his chance of happiness in order to keep him with me. I'd rather be miserably alone than do that."

"Bren, honey, there is a third option you know." Angela turned on the couch to face Brennan. "You could just tell him you love him."


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: Wow, thanks you guys for all the wonderful reviews. It really does my newbie's heart some good that you're enjoying this. Hope you like this latest installment and there's more to come soon. **__****_

Chapter 3

"_You could just tell him you love him."_

Brennan turned to face Angela, her face wide with shock. "Angela, love is just a physical reaction…"

"Made up of different chemicals, I know, I know. I've heard you give this speech dozens of times, remember? But see Bren here's the thing—you're wrong. You're trying to quantify the concept using scientific terms but love isn't scientific. It's emotional, not intellectual. You have to allow yourself to feel it, not think it."

"But Angela, there's no way…"

"Yes sweetie, there is. You've just never experienced it before, I think that's why you don't recognize it. But trust me, for those of us around you who've been there, it's pretty obvious."

"Angela, I don't even know what you're talking about. How could I be in love with Booth but not know it?"

Angela sighed and looked gently at her friend. She knew Brennan was serious, that she really didn't understand what love was, let alone the fact that she was experiencing it, and her heart broke for her. Temperance Brennan was an amazing woman: an accomplished scientist, a best-selling author, a loyal friend, a defender of innocents and a proponent for justice. But of all the things that she was, that she had worked so hard to make herself, there were some moments like this where it all came down to her being an abandoned teenager who had to grow up alone. "Bren honey, of all the men who have been in and out of your life, who is the one you've had the strongest feelings for?" she asked, trying to ease her into the concept of love.

"Booth."

"Okay," Angela said, actually surprised that Bren could see that so clearly. She'd thought some other name would have come popping out. "Why Booth?"

"What do you mean? Because he's Booth."

"Yes, but what do you feel when you're around him? Feel Bren, not think."

"Safe," Brennan said, the word coming out almost effortlessly. She never felt as safe as she did when she was around Booth. He was her anchor.

"What else?"

"Um… happy, I guess. Or at least content, even if we're disagreeing. Warm."

"Warm? What do you mean?" Angela was drawing on all her patience now, coaxing the words out of Brennan like she would if she were trying to rescue a scared stray cat.

"Well, when he's around I have this odd sense of warmth. Almost like I'm running a low grade fever. But I've taken my temperature before and it's rarely far off 98.6."

_She takes her temperature after being around Booth? That's so adorable! _Angela thought to herself.

"And when he puts his hand on my back or gives me a guy hug, there's this fluttering in my chest that's really strange. I mean, I've gotten used to it, like it even, but I can't find any physiological reason why it keeps happening."

"Bren, that's attraction. Have you honestly not felt that 'ping' with any of your boy toys over the years?"

"No, not that I can recall. Is that normal?"

"Well, how do you know if you want to sleep with a guy or not then?" Angela knew Bren had an active sex life, so she'd always thought she'd had some sense of this kind of stuff. Now she was beginning to worry.

"Oh well, that's just sex. I like sex." She shrugged. "If I've had a nice enough time with a guy and I find him physically attractive, then I invite him up. Simple."

_Simple but cold, _Angela thought. "But you don't want to have sex with Booth? Come on, how could you not! That man is completely yummy."

"Well of course I've wanted to have sex with Booth. I've even thought about asking a few times, especially when he's going on about how making love is different from sex or how there's one person out there who's meant to be only with you…"

"Wait he said that to you? When?"

"In Sweets' office, after I told him Mark and Jason broke up with me."

"What else did he say?" Angela couldn't believe this was the first time she was hearing about this—come on, that was months ago!

"He said I just have to be open to seeing that person. And…"

"And?"

"He stared at me for a really long time after that. Just locked eyes with me, you know? And I stared right back. Then we decided to go to dinner but wouldn't let Sweets come with us."

"Bren honey, don't you get it? He was trying to tell you something. He was trying to say that that person you're meant to be with is already right in front of you—him."

"What? He was? Well, why didn't he just say that?"

"Because it's not any good unless you feel that way too. He doesn't want to get hurt." Angela took a deep breath and decided to just lay it all out there. "Look honey, you know how I'm always teasing you about hooking up with Booth?" She paused as Brennan nodded. "Well, what I've been trying to get you to see all this time is how perfect you two are for each other, how in love you already are with him."

"I still don't see how you can say…"

"Bren, you're never as happy as you are when he's around. The moment he comes into the lab or on the platform, it's like your skin starts to glow. And when the two of you lock eyes, it's like you don't need words to talk, you're communicating just fine without them, and anyone else who's around you at that moment just ceases to exist. Hell, time and space cease to exist. It's just the two of you."

"And that's love?"

"That's part of it," Angela said with an encouraging smile. She had the feeling that Brennan was on the verge of understanding this, of making a huge change in her life, so she wanted to explain it as clearly and gently as possible. "Love is also having this overwhelming urge to be as close as human possible to that person, as often as possible. And wanting to just be near them, even if neither of you are saying or doing anything important. Love is feeling like the world is a better place because this one person is in it and that you're the luckiest girl alive because he chooses to be with you. Love is making the commitment to be only with that one person and to have that person commit to only being with you…"

"Monogamy? But that's not natural…"

"That's what makes it special. Its two people deciding to fight their basic urges and only be with each other. Come on sweetie, think about it. If you were sleeping with Booth, would you want him sleeping with anyone else?"

Brennan looked up in surprise, a small sound of pain coming unconsciously from her throat before she whispered, "No. Oh my god, no."

"There's your answer, Bren. You said it yourself, it's inevitable that things are going to change one of these days. You two have been in a holding pattern for too long, you've either got to take off or land, sweetie."

"I don't know what that means."

"It means you have to decide whether you want Booth to be with you or someone else."

Brennan looked at her friend wordlessly for a few moments, tears shimmering in her eyes before she gave herself a little shake and started to gather her things around her. Angela hoped that she knew the answer to her next question before she even asked it, but she had to know for sure. "Where are you going, Bren?"

"I have to see Booth."

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Twenty minutes later, Brennan emerged from the elevator at the Hoover building repeating a silent mantra over and over in her head: feel, don't think; feel, don't think. She was more nervous than she'd ever been in her life but she just kept focusing on putting one foot in front of the other as she headed to his office. Things were going to change, she knew that. But maybe it could be a good change.

She reached his office and opened his office door while saying, "Booth…"

But whatever she had been going to say next went unsaid. Because there he was half-sitting on his desk with his arms across his chest and a smile on his face…while Agent Perotta had her hand on his thigh.

She only had a minute to process what she was seeing, but her sharp eyes took in everything. The smile on his face, the way he was looking down at Perotta, the way blondie's hand appeared to me making circles on the pants above his knee. It was all perfectly clear and way too much for her to handle. She was too late. She'd missed her chance. With a strangled cry, she turned on her heel and rushed out of his office. She heard him cry, "Bones!" in an urgent voice but she wouldn't stop moving, couldn't bear to turn around and see the confusion on his face. She raced down the stairs and out the building with no idea where she was headed next. She just couldn't be here.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Angela, have you seen Bones?" A frantic Booth asked as he climbed the steps to the platform.

"I thought she was with you…" Angela stopped in mid-sentence to look closely at the hunky FBI agent. His face was covered with emotion: fear, worry, guilt, panic. "Oh my god, you turned her down."

"What? No, I…" He didn't get a chance to finish whatever excuse he'd been about to say because Angela proceeded to smack him upside the head. "Ow, what the hell Angela?"

"I can't believe you. How could you screw this up? It's taken me four years and a marathon of a lot of serious girl talk this morning to even get her to see that she has these feeling for you and when she finally gets up the nerve to tell you, you turn her down! Have you lost your mind?"

"Wait, Angela, what? What are you talking about? She did come to see me, but I didn't get even get a chance to talk to her. She walked into my office and then ran out." Booth shifted around uncomfortably, hoping for once Angela would let something go at face value. He so didn't want to explain what Bones had seen.

"Uh uh, no way, there's got to be more to it than that Booth. What did you do?"

Booth's shoulders slumped. He should've known he wouldn't be that lucky. "Angela, I didn't do anything. Agent Perotta and I were in my office and Bones walked in…"

"Agent Bimbo? Are you kidding me?" She smacked him again.

"Ow Angela, geez. There was nothing going on, well, nothing really. And I don't know why Bones got all upset…"

"Define 'nothing really'." Angela said in a deadly calm voice. Again, Booth shifted around uncomfortably. Rationally, he knew he shouldn't be intimidated by this small woman but when it came to standing up for her friends, she was ruthless. If she was upset enough, she'd hand him his testicles on a platter.

"Um," Booth began, kicking himself. _Really?_ He thought. _When did your verbal skills sink to level of a middle schooler?_ "Well, Agent Perotta came to ask my opinion about a case she was working on and we were talking and then…" He really didn't want to say this part but Angela's face told him he had no choice. "We were laughing and joking around and she sort-of reached out and touched my leg." _There, _he thought, _that doesn't sound too bad._

"Define 'laughing', 'joking' and 'touching'." Angela demanded, moving even closer to him. Booth suddenly found himself in the defensive position, backing away slowly as if presented with a dangerous suspect. "Don't give me this crap, Booth. I'm not stupid and I know Brennan. She would not just storm out of your office for nothing. W-h-a-t—h-a-p-p-e-n-e-d?"

"We were flirting, okay? Just harmless flirting. I mean come on, I'm a red-blooded, unattached man—when I'm faced with a beautiful woman showing some interest, I'm gonna flirt back, okay? I understand Bones wouldn't be comfortable walking in on that, but really, what's the big deal? I've walked in on her and half naked men before and I never stormed out."

"No Booth, it's not okay." Angela said quietly, her shoulders slumping in defeat. "You are a moron."

"Listen Ang—"

"No, you listen. You're not 'unattached', you're very attached and have been for years now. I thought you at least saw that. I thought that's why you haven't been dating anyone in a while. I thought you'd figured it out. Brennan, I knew it was going to take a while for her, but I thought you'd already realized."

"Realized what?" Booth asked, his breath catching in the back of his throat. He knew Bones was upset, but the way Angela was acting now, it was as though something major had happened. _What the hell is going on here? What am I missing?_ And then suddenly, the words Angela had said when they first started talking ran through his mind and for a moment it was as though his heart had stopped.

"That you're in love with her." The artist said simply, her eyes telegraphing her sadness.

Booth felt the bottom of his world drop out. This couldn't be right, could it? "Angela, what was Bones coming to tell me?"


	5. Chapter 5

_**Author's Note: Sorry it's been so long since I updated guys, but I've been both sick and overwhelmed. Hopefully this isn't too short for you. It's a lot of exposition, but it's all necessary to set up what happens next…**_

_**PS—How bad is it that from the moment I woke up this morning, I've been internally counting down to 8 pm and "Hero in the Hold"? **__****_

Chapter 5

Brennan entered her apartment and closed the door silently behind her, physically and emotionally exhausted. She saw her answering machine's blinking light alerting her to new messages, but she intentionally ignored it. She knew who was calling her, the same man whose persistent calls to her cell phone had caused her to actually turn the thing off for the first time ever. She didn't want to talk to him. Not now.

Knowing Booth, even though she hadn't said anything to give away why she'd been there to see him, he knew it all already. He could always read her better than anyone, better even than she could read herself. And her ego just couldn't handle a long conversation about how sorry he was that he'd hurt her but he was perfectly happy with his new girlfriend. Hearing that mixture of pity and guilt in his voice would just be the final blow to her heart, so she needed to put it off as long as she could.

_I can't believe I've been this stupid._ She thought to herself. There was a reason she'd never allowed herself to be this vulnerable before, a reason she'd cut herself off from emotion for so long—the pain. It was a piercing sensation in her chest that she felt every time she tried to draw a breath. _How could I have forgotten this?_ The thought seemed to scream inside her head as she sank to floor inside her entryway. _This was what it was like to lose Mom and Dad. And then Russ._ In a way, she wished she could just erase the last four years of her life and all her memories of Booth. Without him, she never would've opened up and rediscovered that she had a heart, let alone try to use it. Without knowing him and his charm smiles and caring nature, she would still be that completely self-sufficient and capable scientist she was before she met him. Now look at her. She was a bundle of doubt and nerves and emotion and pain.

She moved quietly through her apartment, dropping her keys and her purse in their normal spots but not turning on any lights. The night was clear and there was enough moonlight streaming in that she could see where she was going, so she didn't really need them. But there was a bigger reason she didn't want to turn them on—if Booth were to try to come by to talk to her, a dark apartment would give him the impression she wasn't home.

Brennan sunk onto her bed almost the moment she entered her bedroom. She was tired and upset and completely lacking in her normal ability to maintain a sense of rationality. Instead, she was nothing but a bundle of nerves and emotion. If she had any tears left in her body, she was sure she'd be shedding more right now. But as it was, she was empty. So she closed her eyes and succumbed to the solace of sleep right there, lying atop her bed fully clothed.

*************

Booth stood outside her apartment door, unsure of what to do next. The minute that the FBI agent he'd had watching her building had told him she was home, he'd rushed into his SUV and headed straight for her. Now, fifteen minutes later he was standing in front of her door, completely lost. He hadn't really thought about what he was going to do once he got here, he just knew he had to come. But now, his brain was swimming with questions and doubts. What did he say? What did he want?

He'd let himself flirt with Perotta. Bones hadn't misconstrued the situation she'd walked in on, he'd been a willing participant because he knew with Perotta, his heart wasn't involved, let alone in danger. She was simply an attractive woman who was willing to have a no-strings affair, so he'd made a conscious decision to respond to her. It wasn't his normal style, but he'd figured he'd test the waters and see how it felt to him. Maybe if he were able to satisfy his "biological urges" as Bones called them, he'd be able to be fully happy with the restrictions he himself had placed on his partnership. He wouldn't have to constantly want more, or if he did, maybe it would just be a little more bearable. It was just his stupid luck that today would be the day she saw him as more than her partner. And even though Angela hadn't told him exactly what Bones had been planning to say, he'd seen the look of betrayal on her face. That wasn't a "we're just partners" look. One look at Bones' face told him all he needed to know.

He knew that his feelings for this maddening woman ran deep, deeper than anything he'd felt for any woman before. He loved her. He'd accepted that a while ago. But he always thought it would be an unspoken love, one that he'd never really act on. One that he wasn't sure he was ready to act on now, if he were being completely honest. Things between them had never been easy and they never would be. But if they ever made things romantic, it would be serious at a level neither of them had ever experienced before. It would be messy and complicated and intense. That scared him and he knew of the two of them, he was the one who would accept the relationship easier. For Bones, it would be even harder. Could he really be sure he wouldn't get his heart broken, or that he'd ever be able to recover if he did. The stakes were so high. But somewhere deep inside he knew that even if they both ignored what had happened, there would be no going back to how it was before. Neither of them would be able to completely erase their non-platonic feelings. Whether they wanted it to or not, life was forcing them into something new. He only hoped the change would make them stronger, not tear them apart.

With a worried heart, Booth raised his hand and knocked...


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

After about the fifth knock, he knew she wasn't going to answer the door. Just like she hadn't answered his calls or responded to his texts all day. He wasn't exactly surprised, but that didn't make him any less irritated. He wasn't exactly looking forward to this conversation either, but he knew they weren't going to get anywhere by avoiding it. So he did what any man in his position, with his experience, would do—he picked her lock.

He half expected to find her standing on the other side of the door, ready to attack him as he entered. She knew him well enough to know he wasn't going to let a locked door stop him. And he knew her well enough to know that she wouldn't accept the intrusion easily. But her front room was dark and quiet. _Maybe she snuck out?_ He thought to himself as he quietly made his way deeper into her apartment. He wouldn't put it past her to somehow figure out a way to climb down five flights off her balcony. But all those thoughts flew out of his head once he neared her bedroom and heard the gentle sound of her soft snores.

God, he loved her snores. It was completely irrational and weird, he knew, but the sound of her snoring never failed to make him smile. She never believed him when he told her she snored, and the idea of recording her and proving it had occurred to him several times, but he never went through with it. Mostly because he was worried that she would figure out a way to stop doing it and he couldn't bear that. The fact that this incredibly put together and classy woman made these ridiculous sounds in her sleep was precious to him. As was the fact that he was the one who got to hear them, the one she allowed to be around her when she was at her most unguarded. So now, instead of rushing in and confronting her as he thought he would, he was simply content to stand in her doorway and watch her.

Even rumpled and unconscious, she was unbelievably beautiful. He always loved watching her sleep, seeing her face completely relaxed and her mind at peace, but he could tell immediately that her current state was neither relaxing nor peaceful. He moved inside the room and knelt beside the bed to look at her more closely and he could immediately see she had been crying. Her makeup was smeared down her face and even closed, her eyes looked puffy. Her lips were turned down in a small frown and she had that adorable little worry line etched across her forehead. Even in the midst of obvious pain, she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen and that he loved her more than he'd ever thought was possible. He finally gave up the battle he'd been fighting with himself. Yes, being in a relationship with her was going to be difficult. Yes, there were going to be rough times ahead and a lot of fights, but if it meant being with her at the end of the day, it would all be worth it.

"Bones," he whispered, gently brushing her hair off her face as he tried to wake her. "Come on sleeping beauty, it's time to wake up."

"Booth?" She said softly, not fully awake.

"Yeah honey, it's me. Come on, I need you to wake up now, okay?" He said, smiling down at her.

"Hmmm, don't want to. This is a nice dream."

"Bones, come on, you're not dreaming and I really need to talk to you. Please?"

Something about what he was saying seemed to reach her because suddenly her eyes opened and she was staring right at him. She looked at him in confusion as she rubbed her eyes and sat up. "Booth, what are you doing here?"

"I came to talk to you. I've been looking for you all afternoon. When you didn't answer the door, I thought you were hiding from me…"

"So you broke in to my apartment? My bedroom?"

"Yeah I did and I'm sorry, but I had to see you. There was no way I was going to let this day end before we talked."

"Oh." She should be mad at him, she knew, but for some reason she just wasn't. Maybe it was because he was obviously upset about not being able to get a hold of her. Maybe it was because he was being so gentle and caring right now. Or maybe it was just because she had been so damn happy to see his face when she opened her eyes.

"Yeah um, how about I let you wake up a little while I go make us some coffee. Just come on out to the living room when you're ready, ok?"

"Ok," she said hesitantly, the awkwardness of the situation suddenly hitting her as she watched him get up and walk to the door. There was no way this would be an easy conversation.

"Oh and Bones?" He said with a smile, turning back to look at her before he left, "don't try to sneak out a window or something, okay? Take a little pity on me. I'm tired."

"Ha ha," she scoffed as he headed for the kitchen.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Author's Note: Okay, at first glance this will appear to be the same chapter that I posted last night but fear not—it's actually an updated version with the continuation of "the conversation". Enjoy! **__****__** [And remember: reviews feed the muse!]**_

When Brennan made her way into the living room she saw Booth seated on her couch, looking pensive, and she had the irrational urge to do exactly what he'd joked she shouldn't—sneak out a window and run away. Yes, it was a stupid and cowardly impulse, but she was in uncharted emotional territory here and she wasn't entirely sure how this was going to go. All she knew was the person she normally would rely on to get her through situations like this was now the one who was causing this whirl of fear and doubt inside her. One wrong move tonight and she'd lose everything: her partner, her friend, her heart.

"Hey," he said softly, noticing her entrance. He patted the cushion next to him and motioned to the cups of coffee sitting on her coffee table. "Come sit with me."

With a deep breath and a miniscule straightening of her spine, she did as he asked and picked up the mug closest to her. She had to smile a little after her first sip, allowing herself the simple pleasure of not only the beverage but the fact that he knew exactly how she liked it. He paid attention to all the little details of her, all her likes and dislikes, and she reveled more in these small gestures from him than she ever had the grand gestures of other men.

"What are you thinking about?" Booth asked, noticing the soft expression on her face.

"Just enjoying my coffee," she hedged before pushing herself to prompt the conversation she so dreaded. "So…"

"So," he repeated, unsure of where exactly to start. "Bones, what you walked in on, it wasn't exactly what you think."

"Oh, so Perotta wasn't touching you?"

"No, she was."

"And you weren't enjoying it?" She asked, a hint of acid in her voice

"No, I was." This wasn't going well, but he couldn't help but answer her honestly.

"Well then how is it not exactly what I think? What do you think I think?"

"That I was flirting with Perotta."

"And you weren't?" She asked disbelievingly.

"No, I was." He admitted. This really wasn't going the way he wanted and he knew if he didn't manage to save this conversation soon, he was toast. "But I wasn't serious about it. I was just enjoying the attention, that's all." He admitted sheepishly.

"Enjoying the attention." She repeated softly, her ire dissipating a bit at his admission. That wasn't actually as bad as she thought. Enjoying positive attention was a perfectly natural human occurrence. _Enjoying the attention was different from being interested, wasn't it?_ She thought. Then a sadder though occurred to her—_When was the last time I let Booth know he was special to me?_ As a friend, as a partner, he was always doing little things for her that made her feel special. In fact, he did it so often, she rarely even stopped to think about it anymore, she just accepted it. But when had she last reciprocated? By giving him another cocky belt buckle? That hardly seemed momentous.

"Bones, I'm not dating Perotta. I don't want to date Perotta."

"Why not? She's exactly the type you always go for. Are you already seeing someone else I don't know about?" She asked with a frown. Why was it that Booth always knew everything about her dating life but she always had to stumble unknowingly onto his? How was she supposed to know these things if he never told her?

"What? No, I'm not dating anyone! Sheesh Bones, when exactly would I find the time?"

"Huh?"

"Bones, I'm always with you. Whether it's on a case, or going out to eat or just hanging out, I'm with you. Don't you think I would've had to cut out that stuff to start seeing someone else? Don't you think you would've noticed, even if I didn't say anything?" He asked softly, tilting her head to meet his eyes.

"Booth," she began, not entirely sure she wanted the answer to this question before she even asked. "Am I… is this surrogate relationship Sweets says we have… is that holding you back from being happy? Am I getting in your way?" She asked, tears shimmering in her eyes.

"What? No Bones, no, that's not what I'm saying at all!" Booth said strongly, turning on the couch so they were facing each other. Almost unconsciously, he reached out and took one of her hands in his, but whether he was trying to reassure her or himself, she couldn't tell.

"What are you saying then?" She asked softly, looking him right in the eyes.

"Bones, do you ever think Sweets only got it half right?" He responded, softening his tone to match hers while his fingers absently drew circles on the back of her hand.

"About…?"

"About us having a surrogate relationship."

Brennan considered her words carefully, hoping that she understood both what he was saying and what he wasn't—she knew she wasn't any good at verbal subtext or hints in most situations, but she hoped that maybe she'd gotten good enough at understanding him to figure out what he meant. "You mean the surrogate part."

"Yeah," he said, his face not showing any signs of surprise that she understood. "Bones, I just don't think there's anything surrogate about us. I don't know when it happened or how, but aside from Parker, you are the primary relationship in my life. And I'm tired of trying to convince everyone, myself included, that that's not the truth."

"But you were flirting with Perotta?!"

"Yeah, I was."

"But you really want to be with me?" She asked, trying to wrap her mind around this new concept.

"Yes." He said definitively. Whatever doubts he'd felt before were now long gone. He wanted this and more importantly, wanted her to want this…want them. And he knew the only way he'd accomplish his goal was with complete honesty. Giving her his all needed to start right now. "And, in a strange way, I suppose I'm not entirely sorry about it because if it hadn't happened, if I hadn't seen that look on your face when you saw us, I don't know if I would've ever had the guts to tell you I wanted more."

"Booth," she hesitated before continuing, wanting to be sure she understood this. "Are you saying you want us to be more than just partners?"

"Partners, friends, lovers, the whole deal Bones. The whole deal."


End file.
